Monogamy, your one and only
Not if you’re a cow or pony.
In the pasture lush and green
The bull and stallion check the scene.
They hook up with females one by one.
Smoke some grass when they are done (only in legalized states)
At the end of this flirtation
The female waits, she’s in gestation.
Will Romeo stay by her side
That’s not the case for the ruminant bride.
Gorillas, Orangutans have large harems
One male gets all and doesn’t share ’em.
The alpha stomps and his knuckles pound
The females swoon and fight for ground.
They are in estrus, for a month and a day,
A bright pink booty develops to light the way
The alpha is noisy and quite chatty
Bragging how he became the clan’s ‘baby daddy.’
Bullfrog calls are loud and deep,
Waking up the females from their beauty sleep.
They expand their larynx, the babes draw near
These males don’t play games, their intentions are clear.
It’s on to Amplexus (physically locked together as one),
They each separate, after they’ve had their fun.
In 20% of cases, one parent sticks around,
But couples aren’t common –they’re rarely found.
From Darwin to Nova, scientists are going berserk
To figure out why amphibian couples just don’t work.
Skunks and ferrets make stinky hubbies
They scout for babes in the trees and at clubbies
When they find ’em its wartime, a battle on land.
Each male is prepared with an anal stink gland
The spray comes out, like a shot from an uzi
The winner takes the females to the hotel Jacuzzi.
When his girl is preggers he moves on to the next,
The ladies are angry, but they do no protest.
Leafcutter ants don’t bother with dates
The female flies out and in mid-air mates.
A few males on the left and a few more on the right
She stores millions of sperm, en route, on her flight.
When she’s done with the males, they pass out and die
A colony she’ll form (who needs a guy?)
There are drones underneath and guard ants above
The hierarchy’s successful, but where is the love?
Last but not least, the yolk and albumin
Blastulate and gastrulate forming a human
The men show off biceps and buy women flowers
While the ladies wear make-up, they’ve put on for hours
The pair smile and bond, life is so happy
But sometimes the truth can be quiet crappy
She is a gold-digger, wants all his money
While he’s busy staring at some other honey
It’s his animal instincts, all right! What can he do?
And she’s providing for offspring, small salaries won’t do
Does mother nature win? Or can we control what we choose
And decide to be faithful, even when singing the blues.
If you look to the famous, like Clinton or Princess Di
You might give up hope, sit back and cry
But just when you think monogamy is absurd,
Do not fret my friends, look to the birds…