A Cheap Date Can Cost You- A lesson in Animal Etiquette

The Other Day, a friend of mine came back from the movies, taking pride in the fact that he beat the movie theater system.  Instead of paying $10 for soda and a tub of popcorn, he managed to  successfully sneak in a 2 Liter bottle of Coke, Doritos and a Pizza Hut personal pan pizza, which he hid vertically under his jacket. Of course, he got numerous grease stains and had to peel the melted cheese off the cardboard cover; But for some reason, he swelled up with pride, noting that these were marks of valor. “That’s terrible,” I said, “all to save a few bucks… what do you do when you take a girl to the movies?”  “What do you mean,” he replied brashly,  “I’d do the same thing, I’m not paying 6 bucks for a tub of popcorn!  And she’d be impressed with my cleverness, anyhow.”

So here we have the question, “What is considered a cheap date?” asks a WikiAnswers user. The above scenario is a perfect example. Here are a few others:

  • Going to low end or fast food places
  • not tipping
  • asking your date for money
  • parking blocks away so you don’t have to pay for parking
  • claiming the free bread is too filling for appetizers

What is so hard to understand about treating a woman to a pampered night with a little generosity? Is it that ludicrous to spend some extra money on overpriced air filled corn if it means impressing a girl with your overwhelmingly giving nature? Choosing to let go of minute details and demonstrating an ability to please is a favorable quality! Perhaps men should look to animals for the answers.

CichlidThe cichlid is a species of fish that spends a great deal of time for his woman. He not only checks out the real estate to find a suitable nest environment but then goes about building the nest himself. And, just when he’s finished- exhausted, ready to relax and have a nice meal- the female lays her eggs in the nest. The male immediately takes all the eggs into his mouth, a spawning behavior known as mouth brooding, and keeps them there until the eggs hatch. His actions speak louder than words (or bubbly gurgles). Only once the female and the eggs are safe and happy does he go forage for a meal.
Barn owls are just as great. They feed the female as part of courtship and don’t stop once she says, ‘I do.’ The male flies out each morning to find the juiciest choicest worms, small mammals and any other rich sources of protein he can find.  He then feeds the female owl during incubation.  If he’s left with the scrawny, crunchy grasshoppers he just makes do.
But what happens in nature when the male doesn’t take care of the female, When he’s just plain cheap? This can best be observed in the WA question, ”Why does the female praying mantis bite off the male’s head and eat him?” Praying Mantis

Sexual cannibalism is the answer, my friends. This is the act where one mate eats another. In scientific studies (Birkhead et al-1988) females that have a depleted nutritional states are much more likely to devour  males than those that are well fed.  Think about it, the male praying mantis hunts and feeds on his own. When he’s ready to mate, he doesn’t share the insects he’s caught or offer some help in the hunt, so what else is the hungry female left to do but eat what’s right in front of her.

So next time you are debating offering a girl a nasty smushed pizza instead of a $7 bag of Milk Duds, just remember we might bite off your head.

8 thoughts on “A Cheap Date Can Cost You- A lesson in Animal Etiquette”

  1. Hilarious… but of course, to be fair, women should be budget conscious on a date. It shouldn’t be all take and no give. If the guy is a zillionaire and is just being stingy, I get it… but if he is seriously cash-strapped… there are a lot of fun things that you can do inexpensively, and I for one, would be just as (and perhaps more) happy eating at an inexpensive place as an expensive one… on a date, I’m there for the company, not the food. Agreed that the person paying should plan ahead and allow the date to order whatever and get whatever… but the person not paying should be aware as well, and not be about the price rather than the person.


  2. When I go to the movies with a date I sneak in a nice bottle of wine (Sangiovese), some glasses,and a plate of cheese and crackers (Grano Padano preferably). Oh and make sure the movie is the most romantic one currently playing. Then let the mating begin……..


  3. They can also learn from chicken. The rooster will always call the hens whenever he spots something juicy. He makes a call that is so unmistakeable. When the hens come and consume everything in competition, he just stands by watching and does not compete. If chicken can do this we humans need to raise above and beyond the chicken.


  4. LOVE IT!!! I was laughing so hard at the first paragraph and wondering when you’ve been to the movies with my husband!


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