I’m not a religious missionary or anything, but there are those out there who are interested in converting their neighbors to other faiths. Lately we have been seeing a growing trend in converting shoe sizes, especially of the Bolivian nature:
Of course, ultimately, it is up to the Bolivian shoe size to make the final decision to convert or not. No one should force it. But let’s say the Bolivian shoe size agrees to convert to the American shoe size. Then what?
Well, there are a few commandments the Bolivian shoe size would have to accept, including:
- The American shoe size is determined by “the length of the last (the foot-shaped template over which the shoe is manufactured) measured in inches, multiplied by 3 and minus a constant.” (source)
- It must be noted that July 4th is heretofore Independence Day; Bolivian shoe sizes will have to say adios to August 6th. (source)
- Upon conversion, the Bolivian shoe size will have to relearn the history of shoes to fit American shoe history standards. They may begin with this Canadian ‘all aboot shoes’ museum, for starters.
The Bolivian shoe size would have to learn this short but poignant anthem:
O, to be a shoe size
It is the mandate’s calling
American shoe size
For walking, not falling.
And that’s all there is to it. Good luck to you,
Bolivian newly American shoe sizes!